Exhaustion doesn’t even begin to describe how I have felt over the past four weeks; four weeks that turned into five this past Friday.
It began with a slight cough which developed quickly into a full blown, nonstop fit of raging coughs, sleepless nights, fatigue, and left me almost voiceless.
After the first week, I went to see my doctor. This time, I said to myself, “I wouldn’t wait” (similar thing happened in February). Sure enough my lungs and airways were inflamed with infection; irritation deep within and slight fluid in the ear. A shot of steroids was given to me to get me ‘moving along’ quicker this time around. We stopped bye the pharmacy to pick up the mountain of meds and I did what the doctor ordered. I was fully convinced that I would be well very soon…
Week two.
We came to the decision it was time to make another doctor appointment because my symptoms were getting worse, not better.
X-ray’s were order. Round two of medicines started. Doc said, “If you are not any better in two days, I will admit you to the hospital.”
Sleep was been little, the sofa became my home. Breathing more difficult. Side affects increasing.
I purposed to do what must be done, try what I can get done and leave the rest undone because there was no strength nor breathe to do anything else.
Week four done.
Week five has begun.
Third doc visit resulted in more x-rays, round three with a specialist appointment is in the near future. All this to say, last Friday I broke…
- I broke down in exhaustion, in tears, and in pain, in discouragement.
- ‘It’ broke me. I didn’t want it too, but…it did.
- I was so physically worn that I can barely lift my feet off the floor to walk. My body filled with agony, torn muscles from coughing so long, so much and so hard.
I hit that wall and said, “I’m done!”
- My soul was discouraged.
- My body was discouraged.
- My mind was discouraged.
I wept, cried out to the Lord for deliverance, “Lord please, please take this from me!“…”Lord, please I am so weary and worn!”
➡ I do not share this for pity.
➡ I do not share this to have a self-pity party.
➡ I do share because maybe someone, maybe you, are in agony, weeping, struggling, worn, tried, exhausted, in pain and right now you need some encouragement…
Maybe “it” is a life situation or decision that must be made; maybe “it” is an illness that has struck your body or someone you love; maybe “it” has you worn to the last bone…I want you to know something, God is still there. He hears. He knows.
My friend, (preaching to myself here) we are so desperately human yet God knows that and loves us anyway. God heard Job’s cries. God saw Job’s pain. God answered Job’s prayers and God sees, knows, and hears us too (Job 41;42).
God takes our frailty, turns it on its head for His glory, gives us precisely what is needed and shows us Himself.
May sound like God is selfish, but He isn’t.
God deserves such grandeur, such attention, such praise, such worship and devotion. He is God. We are not. This doesn’t stop God from loving us.
- It is enough that He would bring glory to Himself through us, but He also uses that source of glory to Himself for our perfection, for our molding, for our fashioning us into HIS likeness.
In the midst of vallies or while we stand on the mountaintop, God is using “it” to create in us a masterpiece within us…one that is more glorious than we can image. This is not selfish, this is love.
Last Friday was a really hard day — both physically and spiritually, but today, today is a new day with sickness included to become perfected into what God is leading me through at this time.
➡ God is perfecting you. Job saw with his spiritual eyes who God was/is.
➡ Job trusted God to be God; we must trust Him as well.
- I want to grow in Christ.
- I want to be healed spiritually and physically.
- I want to say, “I know that You can do all things, and that no thought or purpose of Yours can be restrained. Therefore [I now see] I have [rashly] uttered that which I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know. ‘Hear, please, and I will speak; I will ask You, and You instruct [and answer] me.’ I had heard of You [only] by the hearing of the ear, but now my [spiritual] eye sees You.” Job 42.
God loves you, friend! Remember, today is a new day with “it” included to become perfected into what God is leading, fashioning us to become through this time. Take courage.
In Christ I am SHE {Saved. Hopeful Empowered.}
In Christ I am SHE 