A couple of months ago, I had the privilege of being a sponsor at a camp our two oldest children attended. I had high hopes and plans for this ‘alone’ week that was before me. My head was filled with ideas of what I was going to accomplish, conquer and do. Little did I know the Lord had a bit of His own work He had planned that I didn’t know was coming.
My days were quiet simple, really. No real set schedule. Meals had their times, I went. Chapel sessions were great. All was peaceful, so I thought.
The first day was spent settling in. I had a whole room to myself. Queen bed, full bathroom, kitchen, desk and lazyboy chair with lamps to soften the atmosphere. That night, I stayed put. I didn’t go to dinner, I just chilled out and enjoyed the quietness.
Day two came and I hit the ground running in thought and expectation. Little did I know how quickly I’d hit that peruvial wall, until it happened. I was shocked.
Here I was, I could do anything I wanted to and all I could do was walk circles around the room asking myself, “What do I do?”
“What do you mean, what do I do” I asked myself. “You have everything planned. It’s right there staring me in the face” (still walking around in circles).
Monday was drive/get there day. Tuesday was internet day. I had to get establishment –connected, sounded so official. But it was true, I had projects that required social media and the world wide web, and rather quickly I found out (and believe you me.i hunted) there was no internet. It wasn’t until Wednesday that I found out there was but only in one building on campus and the whole system was down.
No Facebook! ☑️
No blogging! ☑️
No Pinterest! ☑️
No Instagram! ☑️
No creating or doodling! ☑️
Then…my phone ran out of data. I laughed out load. I couldn’t believe it.
I was bored and didn’t know a soul. Our children were off having a grand time, and I sat in utter bewilderment.
To say the least, I found myself in a pickle and it felt weird yet it began a revealing process of my heart and its values.
When Tuesday evening came, I felt as though I’d scream in boredom. I felt so useless and alone; its grip tightening around me holding me captive to commands but I wanted to fight it, yet my soul was powerless to do so. Sadly, I literally had to fight my way to the chair where my Bible lay open. God was calling me yet something was trying to hold me back.
As I sat, I felt its grip loosen, but as I opened my Bible and began to read i felt release. The chains began to fall. The power of darkness lifted and the stillness of God began to flood my soul. Peace, calmness flooded me.
I needed to know God…and I had been given extra time alone to soak.
Boy did I sleep well that night.
Wednesday, along with Bible reading, I picked up a book I brought along. This added to my journey that I didn’t expect.
The book was called God is Enough by Jim Berg. As I began reading through its pages, I saw how distracted I had become. How loud the inner noise of my soul gripped me. Sure, I was going good things, yet in the scope of eternity they really matter. I was wasting my life and time away? I didn’t need internet like I planned. I didn’t need anything. What I needed was Jesus. The blinders began to come off that — seeing how distracted I really was — how cumbered about, and not sitting at the feet of Jesus was a sad pill to swallow.
My journal came out and the scribbles began. How freeing! Day three changed everything.
Life has its frustrations, unmet expectations, disappointments, dashed hopes and fears but we don’t have to accept it terms.
We are free to choose. We are not held to bondage. Our freedom is through Jesus Christ yet hold personal accountability for our choices. It seems so easy to forget God. We forget are rescue (salvation). We forget we have been bought with a price (1 Corinthians 6:20) and obligated to give Him that glory, praise and honor due to His name. We already are victorious, conquering souls through Him who loves us so yet we find our souls living a defeated life far to often (me included here!).
A life lived in selfishness never brings happiness; a life filled with Christ bring abundant life.
Do you know what is so amazing about God; it is not His anger that leads us to realize where we are wrong, it is from Scripture we are shown His kindness that leads us to repentance. That’s what happened to me.
- I was never reprimand.
- I didn’t feel condemned.
- I felt a sweet conviction of the Holy Spirit as He said to me, “Aren’t you tired of getting caught up in what doesn’t matter and living empty?”
When He spoke that word to me and I received it, the posture of my heart completely shifted. I experienced His joy and freedom and repented.
Romans 2:4 describes in context our relationship with God…”Do the riches of his extraordinary kindness make you take him for granted and despise Him? Haven’t you experienced how kind and understanding He has been to you? Don’t mistake His tolerance for acceptance. Do you realize that all the wealth of His extravagant kindness is meant to melt your heart and lead you in repentant?“
It is my prayer that “when you come looking for me, you will find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I will make sure you won’t be disappointed. God’s decree. “I will turn things around for you.” Jeremiah 29:13-14 (MSG).
In Christ I am SHE {Saved. Hopeful. Empowered.}
In Christ I am SHE 