Real Solutions for Overcoming Discouragement, Rejection and the Blues [pt. 2]

Today we will look at “part 2” of Norman Wright’s book, Real Solutions for Overcoming Discouragement, Rejection and the Blues. In “part 1” we looked at Relationship Depression, #1 An Out-of-Balance Relationship and #2 The Rescuing Relationship (link given) https://inchristiamshe.com/2018/07/25/5620/ and today we are going to look at:

3. THE “REFORMING” RELATIONSHIP

Another relationship that fuels relationship depression is one in which the other person is not what you want him or her to be, or what you had hoped for, yet you find yourself thinking, But he had such great potential! You set yourself up for disappointment. And you find yourself holding onto false hope for change.

Remember, you can’t reshape and reconstruct another person to this degree.

I’ve seen people in marriages like this. They end up frustrated, critical, and feeling betrayed and hopelessly trapped. They would beg, plead, shout, and threaten their spouse, but to no avail. Discouragement? It’s a constant companion.

Why do people continue in such relationships?

  • Some people feel called to be reformers.
  • They like to reshape others, or at least try to.
  • In doing so they ease the pain of looking at some of the issues in their own lives.
  • I’ve seen both men and women do this to avoid their own problems.

4. CONTROLLING RELATIONSHIPS

Some controllers and perfectionists are always trying to “help others fulfill their potential.” This makes for a relationship that has low potential—when one person is full of anger and controlling tendencies or is a practicing perfectionist. In a marriage the unpleasantness quotient is quiet high.

Perhaps the person you are in a relationship with isn’t a perfectionist but just a controller. You will probably feel the same pressure with this type of person as you would with a perfectionist.

Both men and women use control to protect themselves from imagined concerns.

  • Their use of concern is part of their survival system.
  • They believe that “the best defense is an offense”—the offensive strategy of staying in control.
  • They live in fear of the results and consequences of not being in control.
  • They’re afraid of rejection, abandonment, hurt, disappointment, and of losing control itself.
  • They may also be addicted to the respect, power, or emotional rush they get from controlling others. (they feed off of control)

Controlling tendencies are an integral part of their personality.

Some have even said, “I know I control. But why not?…” That’s sad. It can destroy people as well as relationships.

You may be thinking, I know a number of relationships and marriages where one of them is a perfectionist or a controller. They’re still together. It’s working for them! But is it? “Staying together” is not the same as having a relationship in which both individuals have the freedom to grow, to be all that God wants them to be, and to be comfortable with each other. If perfectionists or controllers can learn to give up these false bases for security, then growth can occur. But the work needs to begin before marriage.

Real Solutions for Overcoming Discouragement, Rejection and the Blues by H. Norman Wright | Excerpts taken from Chapter 8—page 99 to 109. Beware of Relationships that Lead to Discouragement & the Blue


I Corinthians 5:11 says this,

  • (NASB) “But actually, I wrote to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he is an immoral person, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler—not even to eat with such a one.”
  • (AMP) “But actually, I have written to you not to associate with any so-called [Christian] brother if he is sexually immoral or greedy, or is an idolater [devoted to anything that takes the place of God], or is a reviler [who insults or slanders or otherwise verbally abuses others], or is a drunkard or a swindler—you must not so much as eat with such a person.”
  • (CEB) “But now I’m writing to you not to associate with anyone who calls themselves “brother” or “sister” who is sexually immoral, greedy, someone who worships false gods, an abusive person, a drunk, or a swindler. Don’t even eat with anyone like this.”

 

From Me to You…

  • If you are the one creating a toxic relationship, you can stop, but not in your own strength. Habits died hard, but with God all things are possible, when through Christ that habit is fought, broken, then replaced.
  • Seek out your pastor, or a godly (same sex) individual in whom you can trust that is grounded in the Word themselves and speak with them about your concerns/your sin. Ask them if they would be willing to help you. But most of all be honest about your own sin before God. Confess your sin before Him and ask—no plead with Him to remove and fill you with Himself so that you may love and treat others the way God would require and desire of you.
  • If you are in a toxic relationship, be in prayer about what the LORD would have of you to do. We must understand something here that ALL verbal, emotional, mental, physical abuse are just that, ABUSE! They are toxic!

If you don’t know where to start, seek out your pastor or a godly (same sex) individual in whom you can trust that is grounded in the Word themselves and speak with them about your concerns that you are seeing and ask them if they would be willing to help you. Most of all, be honest (forthright) about your situation, about yourself, and the person with whom you have a toxic relationship with—don’t exaggerate, don’t sugar coat it, be honest with God, your counselor and yourself.

Toxic relationships are everywhere! In the world and among Christians; within “Christian homes” and within those who do not know Christ. It is wrong. It is SIN! It is against God, against His Word, and against everything God desires/requires for us in becoming like Christ.

We need to start calling toxic relationships what they are, SIN! We need to see it as God sees it and stop justifying our sinful behaviour.

What do you do when you think you are in a toxic relationship?

  1. Be in prayer. I mean serious prayer. I mean, get on your knees, fast and pray and seek the Lord, plead with Him first and foremost for guidance and direction, “God show me what I must do!” The Bible says, when you seek Me (God) you will find me, but we must seek Him–that is doing our part, God will do His part.
  2. As you pray, seek the Lord if there be any sin in you. If He shows you, confess and forsake it. If you need to ask another to forgive you, do so. God is in the business of forgiveness. He loves you! But I must also put a warning here: Be very careful here! Own your own sin. We know we all it, but be very careful, especially in toxic relationships to not be carrying or taking on “false guilt”—in other words, do not own someone else’s sins for them. If you have been sinned against, your abuser needs to come to you and ask for your forgiveness (Matt. 18), not the other way around.
  3. If you are in a toxic—physically abuse relationship, seek safety! I know this can be easier said than done many times, but please, no one has the right to treat you, harm you, handle your temple (your body) with disgrace, degrading humiliation, or use you for self-gratification. If you are being physically harmed, call 9-11. You are God’s. You are a treasure. You are not an object to be used. You are God’s masterpiece created in His image — and that goes for whatever “abuse” you may be facing today!!

Toxic relationships influence us in deep, physcial, spiritual, harmful ways. If not dealt with, we ourselves could repeat the cycle. We always come back to what we know IF we do not replace it with the TRUTHS of God’s Word…always!

This is where finding someone who is grounded in the Word of God will be able to help you through those affects. Believe me, I know. The process is hard, joyful, tear-filled, yet if you are willing it so worth every step in the healing process, from the inside–out. I can tell you (from experience) that when that time comes, forgiveness is given to your abuser, (if possible confronting your abuser), the chains, the weight of bondage that you have been carrying will be lifted off. I remember very well my day — when my bondage came lifting off my shoulders. It was like millions of pounds being lifted off and I was free! Finally free, never to return again! The baggage was his to carry, not mine! He was the offender, not me! I never heard a “please forgive me” but I forgave, never looking or clinging back, and by God’s healing power I am free!

Freedom only comes through Christ!

You can have it! The first step is the hardest.

Side note on taking advice from others:

  • Many folks, even well intended folks, have their opinions, but if I may encourage you in something here—seek the kingdom of God above all else! Opinions, when not grounded in the Word of God, lead to confusion and who is the author of confusion, the devil! Stay away!!!!

Keep your eyes, your mind, your heart, your soul in the Word of God—as many times a day as you need! The Lord will show you if you ask Him! Toxic relationships are no laughing matter—they are a serious issue, and must be taken seriously! Dealt with seriously.

  • Be wise in your outside advisors. Find someone whose soul, mind, eyes, heart is anchored to the Word and God and only sees Christ, not their opinion—and you have found a gem! Opinions will only confuse you. God way is best!
  • Find a church where they preach the Word of God. Where you can get grounded and be helped to get grounded in the Word of God. Join a Bible Study that is a Bible Study — one that studies the Bible and is not a gossip center. When you join a Bible Study you should be learning about the Bible, growing in your understanding of the Bible and when you are done…you should know more of the Bible then when you started; building upon each laying of God’s Word in your life, not opinions.

Remember, You cannot free yourself. You cannot free your toxic relationship. Freedom comes only through Christ.

One last glorious truth: Once you have been freed in Christ you are now in a place, a useable God-place, to be used of God to do whatever He so would require—and many times He slowly gives you others so that you may share your awesome life-God-lessons of freedom with others. It’s called, YOUR STORY! He loves your story and it is precious and special because you have said “yes, Lord!” There are so many out there who need to hear God & you!

Blessings my friends. GOD LOVES YOU!

In Christ I am SHE {Saved. Hopeful. Empowered.}

True Freedom


In Christ I am SHE {Saved. Hopeful. Empowered.}

Power of the Thought

Our thoughts matter.

  • I’ve been doing much thought-searching lately. The deeper the dig goes, the more Scripture that is unfolded, the more revealing the revelation becomes…our thoughts are incredibly powerful. 
  • Sure, most of us would agree, this is no new grand discovery. But do we stop ourselves and take the time to think of the repercussions of even one thought we allow ourselves to dwell upon? Oh those ‘good’ ones are easy, but what about the ‘wrong’ ones we let slip out and then we justify by saying things like “We are having a bad day” or “I’m tired or stressed out right now.” Does this stand before our righteous and holy God? You know what excuses you use.

What we think, no, what we choose to dwell on will determine what we become. This is not “think happy thoughts and happy things will happen” but rather the holding captive thoughts that are toxic in form {ungodly} rather than focusing {which is a personal choice} our thoughts on God’s Truth and choosing to cling onto God’s Truth then live those Truths out which produce God-honoring-pleasing thoughts.

  • Today, why not begin to replace your toxic, sinful thoughts with the only Truth that can set you truly free and bring true freedom (John 8:32). 
  • What toxic thoughts negativity affect your life and relationships?
  • Choose to replace them with God’s Truth – it’s worth it! 

Eyesight Matters


This past week I read through a 5-day devotional on “Who Am I” — Our Identity in Christ. Though the author had made some very good points throughout the week, one was very faulted. At first it hit me softly. Truthfully, it kind of bugged me, but I really didn’t know why because it ‘sounded’ good. The more I thought — the more bugged I became, so finally I asked my husband what his thoughts were. Sure enough…it was biblically wrong.

We must be ever so careful that what we read is biblical. It doesn’t mean we need to stick our heads in the sand, but we need to make sure that what we are in-taking lines up with Scripture. Our mind, heart, soul should be saying to self, “If that’s what God said — that settles it!” Quiet frankly we don’t have to get it…because HE DOES, [that is not a requirement for obedience] and that [should be] okay with me!

Friends, it’s Monday. [HAPPY MONDAY!!!!!]  May you have a beautiful, GOD-centered, CHRIST-focused week. May you share what HE has done in YOU with at least one person this week — how can we not? God has done so much for us. Take a few moments and read Ephesians 1:3-14. Oh, how I have been soooooooooo utterly humbled, put in awe, sorrowed in my soul at seeing who I am, convicted and yet beyond words of thankfulness for being a child of God. I have fallen on my face this week [being honest here] confessions of sinful pride of wanting more, of my ‘ideals’ and my sin — and truthfully not being satisfied with the incredible grace of God itself, which I do not deserve — because if that is all I had, that would be MORE than enough!

I am full. I am bountiful. I got off the throne.

In Christ I am SHE {Saved. Hopeful. Empowered.}

{Graditude} God, Veterans, & USA

As we all know, this Monday will be Memorial Day. Many throughout the country have plans set or at least something in the making via plans — whether it is a parade, picnic, family gathering, or time spent doing nothing. Perhaps, maybe you are scheduled to work because you are a nurse or aid — whatever the case may be we all know that it is Memorial Day and the weekend is upon us.

I am reminded once again of our great country. Oh, I know we can easily find fault in it somewhere or in someone, but before we get sidetracked, let’s not — for we do indeed have much to be thankful for! Like our freedom!

  • Before I even continue any further, I would like to thank all of you who have either served our great USA in the past or today are actively serving. Though we may not personally know one another — in our home, your sacrifice (your families sacrifice) is not forgotten. We rejoice in our God-given freedom and know that freedom is NOT free, nor will it ever be. We thank YOU!
  • I think of those who gave their lives, WE REMEMBER; for you have not given in vain. Though your families grieve the most [which we grieve with them], in our home, we choose to remember and not forget we are free — our lives would be far different if it weren’t for brave men and women who didn’t serve this great country we call America! Thank you!
  • There is one other person I’d liked to thank…my Navy man. I am proud of my husband and his service to our country. He stands strong as a reminder. He is a truly a man of God. [super-incredibly-thankful for him!] Thank you! 

So the weekend is happening. Monday is fastly approaching. Whatever plans you may have — or not have, may I encourage you to STOP and take a few minutes to: 

1) Thank the Lord for your freedom. 

  • Seriously, you could be living in another country where let’s just say, things could be MUCH different! You are blessed!

2) Thank a veteran.

  • Whether it is at a parade, in a checkout line or at a gas station or your neighbor — thank a vet! Maybe invite one to your picnic!

3) Take time to pray for our country.

  • America needs our prayer.

  • America needs to keep God first.

  • Psalm 33:12-13 “Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord; and the people whom he hath chosen for his own inheritance.  The Lord looketh from heaven; he beholdeth all the sons of men.”

  • 2 Chronicles 7:14 “If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.”


Have a safe, memory-thankful-filled Memorial Day. 

Where Change Begins

I am not only blessed to have the most incredible husband in the world in whom I adore as my husband and the father of our children who is truly a man that is God-focused and Christ-centered in both heart and deed, but I am also blessed to call him my Pastor.

I started a Richard Woodruff/Pastor Quote Journal. I should have started one years ago but just never did til this past month. I could follow this man around all day and write quote after quote. He is wisdom walking though he’d be the first to praise God and tell you it is not him but Christ that liveth in him.

My children and I are daily blessed by Daddy, husband and Pastor.

“Repentance is the place where change begins.”

Do you want to see change in your life?

It can only come from a God-within-changed repentant heart. Honesty with God and self is called repentance. When we call out our sin before the righteous and holy God for what it truly is -sin- that is when repentance begins and only then can healing and restoration start within your life. God can begin to mend and care and restore and teach you the “way you should go” when your heart has been flushed out and preparations have been made to rebuild. What a sweet yet sometimes difficult and rewarding place to be. With God it is worth more than anything this world could offer.

“…With God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26

Christ in you – You are more than conquerors! You are empowered!